Got Writing Skills? Get Paid to Write Every Day as a Ghostwriter

Got Writing Skills? Get Paid to Write Every Day as a Ghostwriter

If you have ever dreamed about having a career in freelance writing, you might look into the growing opportunity of ghostwriting. Ghostwriting is the practice of writing works (books, articles, etc.) anonymously for a client. In turn, the client gets full rights to place her name on the writing and publish it as her own.

Side Note: If you’ve heard of ghostwriting before and you already know it’s a career path you want to pursue, I recommend you pick up a copy of Just Add Sweat’s “How to Become a Ghostwriter” Guide. It will show you exactly what you need to know to get started.

But if you’re new to the idea of becoming a ghostwriter, let’s continue…

To get into ghostwriting, there are a few skills you should have or work to acquire:

- Excellent Writing Skills: Certainly to be a ghostwriter, you need to be able to write well. Your writing should flow well, cover topics thoroughly and in many cases, your clients will expect you to capture their unique voice in your writing.

- Research Skills: As a ghostwriter, you’ll be responsible for finding and process all of the information that you will need to be able to do your writing on a specific topic.

- Grammar & Spelling: It might seem obvious, but it’s important to note. All of the work that you turn into your clients as a ghostwriter must be free of any grammar and spelling errors.

Many different types of businesses and individuals readily use ghostwriting services. Authors, business executives, celebrities and others may look to ghostwriters to write books for them. Online business owners, blog publishers and other websites hire writers to create articles and other content. Information product sellers look to ghostwriters to publish how-to and other instructional guides. The sky is the limit when you are looking for people who want to hire ghostwriters.

There are many things you can do put yourself ahead in this field (and the How to Become a Ghostwriter Guide covers these and more in depth).

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

- Start building a resume that will get you noticed. Highlight any writing experience and if you don’t have any, you can offer to do a few free small projects to build your resume. Approach a non-profit business or someone that you know that might need writing services.

- Determine which topics you are qualified to write about. Although many ghostwriters are well-rounded and can write on many researchable topics, having a specialty can help you get work. For example, you might have special knowledge of health, finance or parenting topics. Use this to your advantage.

- Have relevant samples readily available to showcase your writing skills. Many clients are more concerned with how well you write, rather than the amount of experience you’ve had.

To get more help, get a copy of Just Add Sweat’s “How to Become a Ghostwriter” Guide. It will help you discover if ghostwriting is indeed the right career for you, how to break into the business, service rates and more. Ghostwriting can be a competitive business, but there is plenty of room for new writers if you’re armed with the right approach and that’s exactly what the guide will give you. Click here for all the details.

Quote of the Day: Oprah

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.

Oprah Winfrey

Quote of the Day: Erma Bombeck

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".

Erma Bombeck

Deep Thoughts From the Mind of a Child

Deep Thoughts From The Mind of A Child

From a newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy". [well, okay, not quite baby humor, but amusing nonetheless...]

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally- but I didn't want to upset him. Age 10

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old man smell. Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower. Age 11

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then I remember it's because he sucks. Age 15

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. Age 14

I believe you should live each day as if it was your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry. Come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? Age 15

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. Age 10

Home is where the house is. Age 6

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I use to, until she got an unlisted number. Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. Age 13

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. Age 6

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. Age 15

Source

Quote of the Day

Children make your life important.

Erma Bombeck

Parental Humor: Motherhood

You Might Be A Mom If . . .

1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor, and you don't care.

2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

6. Popsicles become a food staple.

7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.

9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is.

10. Your kids make jokes about bodily functions, and you think it's funny.

11. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls...and HE hangs up on YOU!

12. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

13. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

14. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making Rice Krispie treats.

15. You're up each night until 10:00 P.M. vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller blading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink, or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

Source

Brainy Quotes from Women I Admire

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Erma Bombeck

Parental Excuses

Actual Excuse Notes From Parents
(Including Original Spelling)

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P. E. today. Please
execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,
32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P. E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out
of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playingfootball. He was
hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered
by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He haddiahre dyrea
direathe the shits.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and
his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I
don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get
the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought
it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her
funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a
weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and
could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with
gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
and throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever
sore throat; her brother had a low-grade fever and ached all over. I
wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something
going around, her father even got hot last night.

Source

Erma Bombeck

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

Erma Bombeck

We are in the Full Swing of Summer Months and Fun

Issue 13, Vol. 2 July 15th, 2009

How is your summer going? We have been relaxing, going to the park, staying up late and just enjoying life. We have two children that keep us pretty busy 24/7/365 days a year, so when the summertime arrives, it is nice to unwind and sleep in. This month's newsletter is packed full of the possibilities for a growing business and what to do with all of this time on your hands, while the kids are home for summer break and while you are trying to keep your sanity too;-).

Enjoy!
~M

****************************************************************************
Topic of the Month

STRESS! How to deal with it? What to do with it? Why It Happens? Yes, folks we are going to be sharing the many ways we can stress less in regards to your business, parenting and strategies to keep it low overall.
I shared recently that I injured my back and found that I have a herniated disk, talk about stress... this affected every aspect of my life(children, husband, exercise techniques, etc). In the end, I was able and am still coping with how to keep my stress levels low and not control my life.


Article of the Month

Work Life Balance-Help for Busy Moms
By Aurelia Williams

As a mom you probably go through times in your life when you think you can't possibly manage work and taking proper care of your family. In fact, there are probably times when you feel you're not doing a good job at one or the other or maybe even both. Don't despair! There is help for you whether you work from home or outside of the home, your family is large or small or you have other commitments like volunteer work.

Time Management - Knowing where and how you spend your time is key to balancing your life. Start by keeping a calendar of all your activities. You can do this online, on a paper calendar or in a journal. Track everything from showering, exercise, meal preparation, driving time, and so on. You will probably see areas where you can cut some time out by doing certain activities while you're waiting in line at the grocery store or riding in the car. There are lots of useful ways to spend idle time and you can figure those out as you fill out your calendar or journal.

Set Priorities - As women we often have a hard time saying "no" because it is in our nature to help others and want to be useful. However, you must know when to say "no" to those activities that don't help you reach your family, personal or business goals. And even if the activity does in some way help you reach your goals, you will need to prioritize the activity according to its value or importance.

Don't be Afraid to ask for Help - Another trap women tend to fall into is the "I can do it all" syndrome. For some reason society has taught women that they have to be "Super Mom" otherwise you'll be seen as lazy or a bad mother. That is a lie! When you are feeling overwhelmed by work, family and kids, have a friend, relative or neighbor give you a hand by helping you clean your house, or taking the kids away for a couple of hours while you get some work done. Whatever the situation may be, don't hesitate to ask for help.

These are just a few of the suggestions you'll find in my report, Real Life Guidance to Balancing Work and Family. The "Real Life Guidance to Balancing Work and Family" report shows you how you can find a balance between work and family, without letting any of those balls you are juggling fall on the floor. This report gives you real life solutions, and the best part is that you can get started right now.

Not only are there tips for everyday life, but inside The "Real Life Guidance to Balancing Work and Family" contains valuable insight for work at home moms and moms who work outside of the home.

In addition, I also show you how to get started and then keep the momentum! So don't wait another second. Stop doing the juggling act and get your life in balance now with the Real Life Guidance to Balancing Work and Family report.

Looking for tips to get your life in balance now. Get 'em right now... 24/7! The Real Life Guidance to Balancing Work and Familyreport is available for easy and instant download to your computer.

Work From Home Tip


What It Takes to Be a Successful WAHM

Being a work at home mom can be one of the most satisfying things you can do with your life. You will be able to spend time with your family and have the opportunity to create a successful business. It takes a lot of work, sweat and tears and more than you realized when you first started out. Here are some tips on how to keep going when things get tough.

There will be days when you feel like giving up. PLEASE Don’t give in to those feelings, this is the negativity talking and self doubt. You have to understand that the best of the best in the wahm world online didn't achieve their success overnight. You are going to have to put in a lot of time and effort when it comes to building your business, but you can do it. It is ok to take a “mental health day” once in a while and unplug, but when that day is over, you need to get up and start working again.

Stay motivated, hang up pictures of your kids near your computer or phone, write down what you want to accomplish and never forget your WHY. Having a goal in mind does wonders to keep your eyes on the prize and go full speed ahead to get there. Whenever you feel discouraged – read what you wrote down or look at the pictures of your kids. It will inspire you to keep working!

Try to find a mentor – someone who has already found success in the work at home field you have chosen. They know exactly what you are going through, can offer advice when you ‘get stuck’ on something and can also help keep you accountable, especially when it comes to your goals.

I know I touched on this earlier, but I can't emphasize enough how important it is to write down your goals. If you haven’t taken the time to write down your goals, take the time now. By having your goals written down on paper you will have a clear definition of what you want. Once you have them on paper, take a closer look at each one and write down specific action steps you can take now to achieve them. For instance, if your goal is to build a website, what are three things you can do today to accomplish that? Keep looking forward toward your goals and you will find yourself achieving success!
~M.

Parenting Humor


Test Anxiety

I just scheduled Brynn's two-year-old well-visit appointment with her pediatrician, and unlike well-visits of days gone by, this time I am prepped and ready to go. As a veteran mother of a two-year-old, I have witnessed firsthand the questions I will be asked, and unlike when Colin turned two, this time I am armed with answers other than Um, I dunno, and Do some parents really know that?

Excerpts from last years well-visit with Colin:

Dr: How have you been?

Me: Great, thanks (only answer I got right the whole visit).

Dr: So how many teeth does the little guy have?

Me: Um

Dr: Ill be needing a working history on each tooth.

Me: Seriously?

Dr: I need to know the precise month, day and time his fourth side incisor appeared.

Me: Whats an incisor?

Dr: Does he chew primarily on the right side or the left side of his mouth? If you were one of his teeth, which one would you be, and why?

Me: Er

Dr: You are his mother, right?

Me: (Looking bewildered as I consider the possibility there was a mix-up at the fertility clinic.) I think so. He has my teeth.

Dr: How many words is he saying?

Me: He says stuff.

Dr: Literally, he says the word, stuff? Oh, youre kidding. This isnt a joke, this is a test. If you wanted to feel like a competent parent at the end of this appointment, you should have hocked an advance copy of this exam and taught to the test.

Me: He says a handful of words.

Dr: One handful or two? You really aren't doing well on this exam maam. Lets move on. How many bowel movements does he have a day?

Me: (Giggling like were long lost best friends who just shared a dirty joke.) Oh, lots of poop!

Dr: Why is he pooping so much? What are you feeding him? What time of day does he poop? What do you mean you don't know? According to No Child Left Behind you only have three chances to answer these questions correctly or were keeping your child.

Me: That's cool. Give me a call when he needs braces.



Sheri Granger is the mother of Irish twins, born eleven months apart. She's going to be more careful next time! Sheri is a former middle school teacher and phenomenal cook. Just last night she made Spaghetti O's WITH meatballs. Sheri rocks the microwave! Please check out her website at http://www.myminivanisfasterthanyours.com

Source


Recipe of the Season

Child Friendly Recipes - Fruit Pizza
By Christine Steendahl

Child friendly recipes are fun to create. What makes a child friend recipe? A recipe that incorporates fun and good foods. Fruits and vegetables are favorite ingredients in child friendly recipes. Using these fresh ingredients provide vibrant colors that are appealing to children while also providing a nutritious meal.

Fruit can be cut into small sizes so a toddler can experience the texture as well as the taste of these healthy food group. Fruits or vegetables make excellent finger foods and can be easily added to fun recipes that children love. This fun "fruit pizza" is an example of a food project that allows children to select fruits in different colors and create a healthy snack while having fun creating fun faces.

Allow children to choose colorful fruits at the store or farmers' market. Turn the kids loose in the kitchen creating imaginative faces on this delicious fruit pizza. Odds are, they will snack as they create--and like what they taste.

Child Friendly Fruit Pizza

Ingredients

*Graham cracker piecrust

Filling for pie:

*1/2 cup fat free or low fat cream cheese

*1 tablespoon sugar

*1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

*1/4 teaspoon lemon juice

*1 tablespoon 1% milk

Toppings:

Suggestions for fruit pizza faces:

*Strawberries for the nose

*Kiwi fruit or seedless grapes for the eyes

*A banana for the mouth

The choices for making the face are only limited by their imaginations. The kids can choose pineapples, mandarin orange, grapes or any fruit they like.

Instructions:

To Prepare the Filling:

1. Whisk together cream cheese, sugar, vanilla extract, and lemon juice.

2. Add just enough milk to the mix to make it spreadable onto the crust.

3. Spread the cream-cheese mixture with a rubber spatula.

4. Spread to the edge of the crust.

Now its time for the kids to get involved.

*Allow the kids to arrange the fruit onto the cream cheese mixture.

*Don't worry if it is not perfect. It is perfectly nutritious and fun.

*Children may want to add sprinkles or chocolate chips. Let their imaginations run wild.

*Refrigerate the pizza for at least 1 hour.

*Slice with a sharp knife and serve.

The kids will be impatient and want to eat the pizza right away. This pizza cream cheese mixture is almost set but will cut easier if refrigerated for at least 1 hour. Let the kids help you with the cleanup. They will be anxious to taste their creation.

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Would you like more Kid-Friendly Recipes? Christine Steendahl – “The Menu Mom” invites you to visit Kid Approved Meals (http://www.kidapprovedmeals.com) to pick up your personal 13 week breakfast and lunch menu designed just for children!

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Craft Activity for Kids

"Carnivore Owl Bag"
by Kristin Ball 12-06-01

Main supplies:

• Paper bag – lunch bag size
• Construction paper or cardstock – coordinating colors
• Felt – brown
• Wiggle eyes – two 7/8”
• Elmer’s® Painters® Opaque Paint Markers – brown

Basic Supplies:

• Elmer’s® Washable School Glue Stick – Disappearing Purple
• Elmer’s® Craft Bond™ Tacky Glue
• Pencil
• Scissors
• Newspaper
• Low tack masking tape
• Sewing pins

Photo Insert
Owl Head Pattern(PDF)
Owl Wing Pattern(PDF)
Owl Body Pattern(PDF)

Instructions:

1. Cut out patterns. Use pencil to trace onto construction paper cutting out the number indicated on the pattern.

2. Fill the bag with crumpled newspaper. Close the top then fold it over two times. Squeeze a bead of Tacky glue under the fold then press to secure, holding with tape if needed till dry.

3. Layer papers for wings and body as shown then use the Glue Stick to glue together.
4. Pin the felt patterns onto the felt then cut out the indicated number. Use Tacky Glue to adhere in place on body and wings.

5. Glue a wiggle eye to the center of the smaller eye round. Let dry. Use scissors to snip paper around the entire eye. Fold up sections.

6. Start the flow of the brown Paint Marker following label instructions. Use the marker to detail the wing sections, body sections, claws, and around the larger section of the eye.

7. Use Tacky Glue to adhere the wings in place at sides on front of the bag. Add glue to the top half of the body and press in place on the front of the bag. Glue the eyes, feet, and ears in place. Let dry


*Note if you enjoy crafting with your children, I highly recommend Chris's Book about crafts for kids. We always have fun doing the crafts, which are imaginative, not boring and keep the children's attention span long enough to get things done around the house as well. Most crafts can be done with the option of using glue or a staple(with adult supervision of course;).




Business Joke of the Month

Keeping a high profile in an office

Never write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead; everyone wants to talk whenever you're ready.

Don't sit down to talk. The acoustics are better the higher you are, and remember that most people are a bit deaf so speak up louder!

Try to talk with _at least_ three people between you and your listener, so that they don't feel left out.

The very best place for a conversation is in the corridor, beside someone else's desk. If the corridor is full, try leaning against their cupboard or hanging over their screen.

Never warn people of your approach by knocking on their desk or cupboard. People love surprises, especially if they're busy.

The best time to disturb someone is when they look thoughtful or are concentrating. It's your _duty_ to give them a break now and again.

To make sure that _you_ get regular breaks, never use a "Do No Disturb" sign. When other people use them they're only joking.

Always hold meetings around a desk. If you book a conference room everyone will think you've got something to hide.

If the phone isn't answered after four rings, hang on. Someone will answer it eventually, and they might like a chat, too.

Never divert calls if you're leaving your desk. Your telephone could get into bad habits.

Try to whistle, hum or tap your fingers while you work. It is a comfort to others to know that you're still there.

If you have to design the office layout, remember to leave lots of wide-open spaces so that we can see and hear each other right across the floor.


Inspiration of the Month

As long as it takes

What if you knew that you could reach your goal by taking just one more step? Would you take that step?

At some point in the process of achievement, the final hurdle is reached. What a shame it would be to stop just short of that one last obstacle.

Achievement does not require extraordinary ability. Achievement comes from ordinary abilities applied with extraordinary persistence.

You already know you can do what it takes. To reach any goal, simply do what it takes for as long as it takes.

It's really not that difficult to take just one step, to do just a single task, to make one bit of progress. And if you can do it once, you can do it again, and again, and again without much problem.

Keep the faith and keep up the effort. Your persistence will get you there.

-- Ralph Marston

Read more: http://greatday.com

Closing
Thanks for allowing me to share your day and being my subscriber, if only for a moment. If you have any questions or comments about my newsletter, please feel free to contact me. Have a great day.

Sincerely,
Mandu U.
Owner of EMDIAU
http://www.emdiau.com

Kids Answers

Kids Answers.

A teacher gave her fourth-grade students the beginning of a list of famous sayings and asked them to provide original endings for each one.
Here are some examples of what they submitted:

As you shall make your bed so shall you.....Mess it up.
Better be safe than.....Punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the.....Bug is close.
Don't bite the hand that.....Looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a.....Mister.
You can't teach an old dog new.....Math.
The pen is mightier than the.....Pigs.
An idle mind is.....The best way to relax.
Happy the bride who.....Gets all the presents.
A penny saved is.....Not worth much.
Two's company, three's.....The Musketeers.
When the blind leadeth the blind.....Get out of the way.
Where there's smoke, there's.....Pollution.
Children should be seen and not.....Spanked or grounded.
A rolling stone.....Plays the guitar.
A bird in the hand is.....A real mess.
No news is.....No newspaper.
No news is.....Impossible.
It's better to light one candle than to.....Waste electricity.
It's always darkest just before.....I open my eyes.
It's always darkest before.....Daylight savings time.
It's always darkest before.....9:30 p.m.
You have nothing to fear but....homework.
If you can't stand the heat.....Don't start the fireplace.
If you can't stand the heat.....Go swimming.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you.....Should have done yesterday.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what.....you put on to go to bed.
Never underestimate the power of.....Termites.
If you lie down with the dogs.....You'll stink in the morning.
The squeaking wheel gets.....Annoying.
We have nothing to fear but.....Our principal.
To err is human.....To eat a muskrat is not.
I think, therefore I.....Get a headache.
Better to light a candle than to.....Light an explosive.
Early to bed and early to rise.....Is first in the bathroom.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a.....Blister.
There is nothing new under the.....Bed.
The grass is always greener.....When you leave the sprinkler on.
The grass is always greener.....When you put manure on it.
Don't count your chickens.....It takes too long.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.....You have
to blow your nose.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and.....Someone yells, "
Shut up!"
You can lead a horse to water but.....How?
Love all, trust.....Me.
None are so blind as.....Helen Keller.
If at first you don't succeed.....Get new batteries.
You get out of something what you.....See pictured on the box.

Erma Bombeck Quote

Mothers have to remember what food each child likes or dislikes, which one is allergic to penicillin and hamster fur, who gets carsick and who isn't kidding when he stands outside the bathroom door and tells you what's going to happen if he doesn't get in right away. It's tough. If they all have the same hair color they tend to run together.

Erma Bombeck

Laundry is a Heavy Load

Laundry is a Heavy Load

You have laundry to do. And if you’re like me, with a family hunting for a daily supply of clean clothes, you live with dirty clothes guilt.

I use a multi-pile system common among my peers, mothers-avoiding-laundry-by-making-it-a-daily-burden. My piles consist of 1) dirty clothes on the bathroom floor (also known as doggy bedding); 2) clean clothes in the laundry basket (sometimes confused as dirty clothes and thus, also known as doggy bedding); 3) clothes in dryer, still damp and; 4) washed clothes left in washing machine that stink (like the doggy bedding).

I own four additional laundry baskets, handy for use by my children as mini-shelters, boats and concave stepstools. Not for dirty clothes.
We have plenty of dirty clothes. There’s my husband’s sweat-drenched tennis wear, my son’s shirt with the sleeve used to wipe his runny nose, my three-year-old daughter’s dress dipped in toilet water, the baby’s outfit soiled at both ends and my clothes, which the baby soiled at both ends.

As we mothers know, doing laundry garners no respect. Family members want to know which clothes are clean, yet gag when you sniff seams. My washing machine understands. Angrily bouncing about, it’s demanding at least one day without clothes in it, on top of it or encircling it. When I announced that my estranged machine and I are on strike, my concerned husband asked, “Hon, are my pants dried yet?”

Even Hollywood recognizes laundry’s psychotic effects as represented by the movie The Mangler, which is described as “a laundry machine possessed by a bloodthirsty demon.” I caught this movie on late night television as I was folding socks, socks, and the usual sock. A friend of mine had a similar story, although her machine was not commercial-grade and didn’t eat people.

She agitated her washing machine to the point where it had attempted an escape. The machine broke from the wall, conspired with the hose to flood the second floor compartment (some home builders, in their infinite wisdom, put water-guzzling five-ton machines UPSTAIRS) and leaped through the sopped floor into the garage. My friend arrived home from work to find hergarage door flapping frantically for help. The appliance didn’t make it.

So here I am walking around in my husband’s briefs, prickly with pooch hair, and I come to the realization that I am not, and never will be, a laundry person. My biceps ache from lifting and pouring concentrated detergent. I have a growing pile of individual socks, buttons, coins, paper bits, which I’m sure held important lists and phone numbers in a previous life, plus some remnants I don’t recognize and don’t want to. And I have trouble remembering all the little laundry details: colorful clothes should be washed in cold water, the dryer is not a friend of wool, lint build-up can catch on fire, and the dog must be removed before the spin cycle.

In my house the clothes route from soiled to clean to ironed to closeted takes about a month. A master laundress, my mother can do a week’s worth of my family’s laundry in eighty-two minutes flat. White tees and dark sweaters, delicates and cotton, united in one cold-water soapfest. As soon as the machine rumbles, mom dashes to set the kitchen timer for exactly twelve minutes. Eleven minutes later, she waits impatiently for the machine buzz, loads up the dryer, sets the heat on high, and dashes back to reset the timer.

In less than two hours, I have drawers filled with shrunken clothes in various shades of gray, a clothes-free bathroom floor, and a dog sleeping in her bed.

Diane Sylvester is a freelance writer with humorous articles published in Reader's Digest and the Atlanta Journal Constitution. Hates doing laundry

Parenting Humor: Mom Interrupted

Mom, Interrupted

Hey Mom, where are my hockey skates? Hey Mom, have you seen my homework folder? Hey Mom, can I go to Elliott's house on Saturday?

I have figured out why old people lose their hearing: its because they want to. After raising children, they have used up their allotment of hearing for this lifetime. And they don't want to listen to anyone anymore about anything.
Hey Mom, where's the glue? Hey Mom, do I have to practice piano? Hey, Mom, can you see somebody's soul?

I have not had a complete thought in eleven years. Come to think of its probably been twelve. It started when I was pregnant: clearly it must have been the hormones at work. Somehow during pregnancy, your brain starts to short circuit in preparation for the coming events of the child raising years, including sleep deprivation and your child's vocabulary development. Much like nature prepares your body for labor and delivery; hormones now help your brain develop pause waves, which cause all coherent thoughts to immediately vaporize upon formation. In retrospect, its probably a good thing.

Hey Mom, what is a prism? Hey Mom, where's the milk? Hey Mom, did you get to ride the bus to school?

It all begins shortly after birth as we coo over our adorable little bundles. Operating under the delusion that our child is a superior genius, we mentally transform a belch into our child's first complete sentence at about 8 weeks. Before long, when the authoritative parenting books tell us they should be using ten words, were certain our child is beyond brilliant and is actually using 50 or 60 words. The reality is before long they really do know 300 words and they use them all - before you've had your first cup of coffee.

Hey Mom, where do babies come from? Hey Mom, how long till Christmas? Hey Mom, what's a square root?

When they are babies, the interruptions are natural the cry for I need food, I need a clean diaper, I need to be held. When they are toddlers, it is most often a matter of playing goalie as parent: catching them by the seat of the pants before they fall down the basement steps, grabbing their arm before they reach to pet the snarling dog, keeping them from walking into the street. But once they start talking the real interruptions flow freely and you may as well put away the books, magazines and newspapers as well as any hope of a coherent thought. You've just entered the Stream of Consciousness Zone of Parenting where every thought that enters your child's mind is verbalized the moment it hits the first brain cell. While your child's inner monologue will eventually develop, don't count on it anytime soon.

Hey Mom, the dog just threw up on the carpet. Hey Mom, can I have five dollars? Hey Mom, how long till I can learn how to drive?

Most of the time, you think you can outsmart this immutable law of nature. But as you learn, one way or another, it is simply not possible. Once you've read the same paragraph seventeen times, you know its over. If you are lucky, you might manage to read a caption in People Magazine in its entirety when they're in third grade. But for the most part, don't bother. You can read after they go to college.
Hey Mom, have you seen my saxophone? Hey Mom, where's Ecuador? Hey Mom, how come the milk smells funny?

Pretty soon, the lobes of your brain actually begin to shut down from lack of use. The lobes that remain functional now operate more like a strobe light. Your auditory nerve begins to shrivel and go limp like a long forgotten piece of celery. You fear that your ears might actually bleed if they tell you about that scene from the Star Wars again.
Hey Mom, did they have electricity when you were in school? Hey Mom, can I have some candy? Hey Mom, can we get a pet llama?

But there will come a day and time when you can no longer stand the interruptions, whether its from PMS, a bad day at work, or simply exasperation. The resonating sounds of your child's constant chatter threaten to reduce your ear canals hammer, anvil and stirrup into a tiny pile of dust. Years of verbal tap dancing on the acoustic nerve will at some point shrink your patience to zero and you will snap. And just when you think that you cant take it anymore, that's when. . .
Hey Mom. . .
WHAT??!!
I love you.



Denise Malloy is a columnist and mother of two very talkative boys.

Seasonal Recipes: Italian Ice Cream

Looking for a New Dessert Idea? Try These Italian Desserts
By Christine Steendahl

Italian food definitely has its fans and one of the many tasty varieties of Italian foods are the desserts. Italian deserts generally come in a wide assortment of choices from cakes to cookies to yummy desserts that are prepared for adults with wine and liquors. If you are looking to prepare an Italian masterpiece for dessert, here are two excellent recipes.

Tiramisu

Ingredients to Use:

- 1 pound of mascarpone cheese

- About 40 lady fingers

- 3 cups Italian coffee

- 6 eggs

- ¾ cup of Marsala wine

- 12 tablespoon of sugar

- 4 tablespoon of coca (power form)

Preparation:

Use an electric mixer to combine both the egg yolks and sugar until the mixture becomes light and fluffy. Save egg whites for use later in the recipe. Add mascarpone cheese and stir it in to this mixture as well. Once these three ingredients are well combined, now add the 6 egg whites. Add the 4 tablespoons of cocoa and mix it in as well. Once it is all mixed place half of the ingredients into a cake dish.

Dip lady fingers into Italian coffee and then place them on top of the mascarpone cream. Cover this up with more contents to create layers. You will want to create about two layers. Once you placed two layers of lady fingers in the cake dish spread with remaining cream. Sprinkle some cocoa powder on the top of the cream. Set the cake dish into the refrigerator for about 24 hours. Enjoy!

If this dessert is created for kids, sub the Marsala wine with just the coffee.

Coconut Balls Cookies

For those wanting a great dessert cookie to go with your Italian Coffee or supper, Coconut ball cookies are extremely flavorful and very easy to make. Below is the recipe.

Ingredients to Use:

- 3 large eggs

- About 3 cups of shredded coconut (packaged is fine)

- 3 cups of graham crackers

- 1.5 cups of sugar

- 1/3 cup of cocoa

Preparation:

To prepare this tasty Italian dessert recipe, combine together the butter and sugar in a large bowl. Make sure they are well blended. Add in your 3 eggs. It is best to add each egg in one at a time and stir well before adding the next in. Now add the 1/3 cup of cocoa, shredded coconut and graham crackers. Before adding the graham crackers make sure they are crushed. Mix all ingredients well and shape them into small balls. Once shaped, refrigerate for about 2 hours before serving. Many people also might want to add a little rum, generally a recipe such as the one we've listed requires about 1 to 3 tablespoons of rum.

Christine Steendahl - "The Menu Mom" offers affordable menu planning services for families. Get a copy of her easy low-fat Tiramisu Recipe here. http://www.dinewithoutwhine.com/easy-tiramisu-recipe.htm

Parenting Humor: A Really GOOD Book

By Sallie Mattison Young

Emily recently finished reading The Prisoner of Azkaban, the third book in the Harry Potter series. Not bad for a 7-year-old second-grader. She can't start on the fourth book, The Goblet of Fire, because her 10-year-old sister, Ariel, is still reading it. So her father suggested she go to Ariel's room and pick out something else to read in the meantime. There are nearly 100 books on that bookshelf.

When she came back, empty-handed, Dale asked her if she looked on Ariel's shelf.

"Yeah," she sighed, looking very forlorn. "There's only one book I want to read, but it's too high to reach."

"Oh?" Dale asked, thinking he would go and get it down for her. "What is it?"

"Ariel's diary."

Inspirational Quote

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

Erma Bombeck